Welcome to 'How to Fail at Absolutely Everything.com'...

I have painstaking compiled a veritable plethora of advice and tips to help you fail, with ease, in every aspect of your life… 10 mins each day spent reading this blog and applying the simple advice presented herein will doubtless make you poorer, end relationships, sap your vitality and generally make you really rather sad if it doesn’t in fact kill you altogether.

All advice offered is ‘tongue in cheek’ style and often are distillations of insights I have had as a result of some rather iffy decisions I have made throughout my tired, luckless life… while I tend to my scars I will let you read on, learn and enjoy! ;-)

If you have any ideas for articles or would like to become a regular contributor of original material then please email me.

How to Fail at Keeping Houseplants

This could be viewed as a companion piece to How to Fail at Gardening.  Not everyone has a piece of land to experiment with growing weeds and cat faeces, so here is a guide to maintaining a home full of dead or dying pot plants. 
The best start is to pick up a pot plant from […]

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Add comment February 3rd, 2008

How to fail your Driving Test!

I’m sure there are a lot of you out there that have managed this at least once in the past, in the days when you used to marvel at how people could do a different thing with all four limbs at once, keep to the speed limit, watch other traffic, obey the rules of the […]

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Add comment May 1st, 2007

How to make a lousy Sandwich!

Ok, making a sandwich is a very personal thing, we each have our own method, some butter the bread,some add an extra slice in the middle,some cut the crusts off (these people are easy to spot, they’re the ones with straight hair!!!) Therefore, it stands to reason that there are also countless ways to fail […]

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Add comment April 27th, 2007

How not to grow Flowers

I’ve never had green fingers, so this particular failure comes easy to me. Apparently, growing flowers from seeds is the most difficult way of doing it as opposed to buying the plant at your local garden center and just watering it until you see flowers, so id opt for the seed approach to maximize your […]

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Add comment April 23rd, 2007

How to rear awful Kids!

First of all, if you’re going to do it, do it properly right from the start. Make sure that at least one of the gene contributors is as ugly as sin, preferably both of you if at all possible, this way you ensure that the kid gets a bad start, and if there are any […]

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Add comment April 19th, 2007

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